This is part two of a previous post. If you haven’t already, go back and read part one.

The last post left off in December of 2023, when I went down to California to support my Dad while in the midst of a tumultuous & uncertain time with my partner. Being back in such intimate proximity with (and caretaking for) the man who had largely avoided me my entire life painfully confirmed that I had only ever learned how to do two things in relationships:

1. compulsively stay with hurt people even when they hurt me, or

2. leave before they get the chance

The long runway between my Dad’s terminal cancer diagnosis and his death catalyzed a profound personal growth journey for me.

I recorded hours of video of myself during that time, trying to memorialize the seemingly endless insights I was having about the legacy of trauma in my family, my own emotional wounds that still needed tending to, and the unspoken but deeply impactful beliefs I had absorbed during my childhood.

I had new found clarity, but my body was still very much keeping the score, and that next year - year 5 - tested every limit of my relationship with Adam.